I got an email with the mp3 version of the “Dublin Mental Health Hotline”. I’ve listened to it a number of times, it’s really great!
So here is the transcription of it.
Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are Obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you are multiple personality, pres 3 – 4 – 5 – 6
If you are paranoid, we know what you are, what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 6 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press noone will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 69696969
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep, after the beep please wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have no self-esteem, hang up all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
LOL!